I’ve been getting lots of emails from people who are newly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder so I thought I would write this post to let you know what Bipolar does to me.
First thought, I suffer with Bipolar type 1. There are three different types of Bipolar and a huge list of symptoms so everyone suffers differently.
Lets start with a depressive episode. Mine can last for a weeks or a few months. Its annoying when you read all over Facebook that people feel depressed…..really?
Depression for me means of course a low mood but this also includes paranoia, fatigue, loss of interest in everything and everyone, none stop crying, anxiety, social anxiety, visual hallucinations, guilt, intrusive thoughts and suicidal thoughts.
Now for the highs……but highs are more uncomfortable for me. In fact I dread this more than anything because when people say bipolar highs sound fun I think most people with Bipolar would disagree completely.
Insomnia, rapid speech, no concentration, severe anxiety resulting in panic attacks, visual and audio hallucinations, no appetite, racing thoughts, psychosis. I can assure you this isn’t fun. More people end up in hospital due to manic behaviour more than depressive episodes. These episodes are very dangerous and have a larger suicide rate.
I also have mixed episodes that are extremely dangerous which means the moods and the symptoms are mixed.
My main symptom in both episodes is anxiety. This is a big problem for me. So when I was offered CBT I took it. This has really helped in me putting things into perspective.
I can get anxious over the most trivial things, but mostly things out of my control.
I’ve looked at things that have upset me, things I can not change and now I look at them in a different light and I don’t dwell on them.
I have a box in my mind that s labelled “not nice”. I put things like –
Mine and Ben’s medical problems – I can not change them and it makes us who we are. I’m proud of both of us.
Deaths – In 13 years I’ve lost six people, most of which died so very young – now I look back with happiness and remember the good times.
Life events such as family divides – They are all happier now with different people and sometimes that’s just the way it is.
People – when I don’t hate anyone so that’s good. But I did have one of the mums at school being nasty when I was discharged from hospital that I’d been speaking to everyday before then and I have had one person telling porkies about me not long ago, about how I was apparently copying her and even worse…stalking her, like I have the time. Did this upset me….yes at first but know I look at it as they’re more mentally disturbed than me.
I know that I will have more episodes in my lifetime but I take my meds and if I have any symptoms more than 3 days I ring my nurse. Life is full of stresses but I try my best to avoid them, I tell myself every day that I’m going to have a good day. I use CBT where ever I can and I take nothing for granted.
I love receiving your messages and comments to please feel free to contact me anytime
Thanks for reading.xx