Anxiety · Bipolar · depression · me · moods

Reached a milestone…..but only a little one :-)

Well I’m doing quite well on the old bipolar front, anxiety, sleep and the general down days is still an issue but I think that will always been the case.

Part of my bipolar symptoms include hallucinations, visual and audio hallucinations but defiantly more audio.

The hallucinations only really happen when I’m out and about and where my anxiety levels are on the high side. I’ve only had a hand full of visuals. They have never been morbid or horrific and last up to 15 minutes. Looking back my worse visual hallucinations was in Morrison’s supermarket and I was with my lovely Mum. This was before I was admitted or diagnosed.  I was convinced that everyone was naked……absolutley everyone. I kept nudging mum so we could leave but I ended up in the toilets for a good 20 minutes. The only reason I came out is because Mum had promised me that everyone had now got dressed. I can laugh about it now but at the time I was mortified.

Apart from that instance I had times where I could see writing/graffiti everywhere and the odd person following me……all anxiety fuelled.

So my biggest problem was audio hallucinations which included whispers but also music playing.

This became really frustrating.

Music had always been a big part of our lives. Hubby used to DJ all over the UK and australia and listening to music everyday is just what we did. So when I started to hear music that I couldn’t control I decided to just stop listening to music altogether…..might sound a bit OTT but it seemed to lessen the symptoms. It seemed to spur on mania and manic behaviour

So 4 yrs on and still not listening to music, no more audio hallucinations however I do know that the chances of me getting them again is extremely high but I can’t live in the past. But  a month ago I decided to download a couple of albums on to my phone and so far so good…..nothing weird happening yet.

I see this as meeting a very small milestone and I’m quite pleased with myself.  However I’m not one to gloat because I could be back in an episode tomorrow. I can keep making tiny steps in the hope that it will make me stronger.

 

 

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